The holidays are the hardest without a parent or loved one. I personally have realized that I had traditions that I didn’t even notice were traditions. It hit me the hardest when I could no longer do them with the person they mattered most to.

The memories I have left of the holidays are no longer about essential gifts from mom, but now more like smells of homemade pasta and Italian wedding soup and remembering the pure terror and stress that went on in the kitchen leading up to Christmas day. Ha!

I used to dread the holidays when my mom was yelling and barking orders in the kitchen, stressing over things that not one person would even notice or care about on Christmas day. What I would do to get one of those (chaotic) mornings back. The truth is, when the holidays come around, I feel the absence of my mother more powerful and intense than ever. If you’ve lost a parent or loved one, I am sure you feel the same.

It’s crazy because the first Christmas without my mom was somewhat easy. I remember being in shock, people feeling sorry for me and feeding me, and I pulled this guilt card with my dad about how he had to buy me the $300 vacuum that I wanted because if mom was here she would have. Oh, adulting…

The absence of my mom now feels somewhat dull and I quickly realized the memories and traditions that were once bright and exciting, like decorating and cooking, feel subdued. BUT my blog isn’t to make people feel sad or dread the holiday season, it’s about embracing memories and reliving those traditions making mama proud. I want this year to be different, and it’s starting with my brother and I hosting Christmas morning with my dad. I plan to take steps to ease my pain by incorporating special memories of my mom into my celebrations. (I already called wedding soup duty!)

Aside from that, I am holding myself (and others) accountable with 4 steps to cope without a loved one during the holiday season. Who’s with me?

Continue the tradition.
Cook the food, go to the event or wear the tacky sweater. Also, don't be afraid to create new traditions this year too. It's OK to get creative and do something a little out of the norm. It’s 2020 after all.
Help someone else.
Whether it’s volunteering, sending a card to a stranger, giving Christmas tips to your favorite barista, or helping a friend in need this holiday season, someone will deeply appreciate this more than you know.
Allow yourself to feel.
Whether it’s sadness or happiness, take it all in. The holidays can bring about a ton of emotions. Allow yourself to feel those emotions without judging yourself or thinking you shouldn’t be joyful or laughing. It’s okay to be happy – this doesn’t diminish how much you love and miss the person who isn’t there.
Ask for help.
This is so important. Don't be afraid to call on others when you're struggling. Reminding friends or family that you're having a tough time may be enough, but you also may want to reach out for more support. To my readers who have lost a parent, call me, email me, slide in my DMs… I am here!

The holidays are totally different when a loved one passes – that’s something over which we have no control. We can only control our response. I hope to create loving, happy memories this holiday season and focus on those who loved and supported me thus far and are with me right now.

Have another tip for coping or making the most of the holiday season? Share it below.

Missing a Loved One During the Holidays